"Kilroy's" Rules of the Road

Secrets from "Kilroy's" Old-Time Hustler's Handbook & Rules of the Road.
Items from my personal Hustler's Handbook. These are lessons that the "Square Johns" that hung in the poolroom were never made privy to -- until now. The Handbook was first put together by Roy "Kilroy" Kasmanski, the great "lemon hustler" from Detroit. They were known as his Rules of the Road.

Kilroy's rule #1
Always keep a warm blanket in the trunk to use for sleeping in the car, and in case the car breaks down in winter.
Rule #2
Learn to sleep comfortably in the back seat of a car.
Rule #2a
Kilroy says to take a can opener and a spoon with you on the road, " 'cause it's easier to eat the canned beans if ya' got the right tools."
Rule #3
When you are going to "scoot the check" (leave without paying) in a restaurant. Make sure you have a large bill folded over the check just in case you get stopped outside. This way you can convincingly demonstrate that paying the check just slipped your mind and you can show the attached money as proof.
Rule #4
(This old-time hustler’s road advice no longer applies, it comes from the days when there were no credit cards and you had to put up your luggage as collateral in a hotel. You couldn’t get past the front desk with your luggage without paying your bill.)
Never go on the road without taking a long rope with you. Reason: When you are getting ready to leave the hotel and duck paying the bill, use the rope to lower your luggage out of the window down to your associate, who recovers it, throws it in the car, and down the road you go.
Rule #5
On the road, where do you keep your bankroll? Never keep it in your wallet. Keep it in many different pockets. This way if you get jack-rolled or heisted, it's unlikely they will get all the money.
Freddy the Beard's Rule #6
If you are gambling in a bad joint and you become forced to defend yourself outside, and you happen to wear glasses; to insure that at the very least, the glasses don't get broken, throw them under a parked car before the melee. I say this from personal experience, I once had to fight my way out of a hillbilly bar. I returned later, and recovered my untouched specs from under the vehicle. As an aside, I did get away with all the money also.
Rule #7
Always keep a 2 foot rubber hose in the trunk for when you’re broke and out of gas, so you can sereptitiously siphon enough fuel out of someone else’s tank to get you going. (This old-time hustler’s road advice no longer applies with the new gas tanks)
Rule #8
A Pool Hustler’s gourmet menu:
Lunch:Filet ala Oscar, and a pine float.(Boloney sandwich, and a toothpick in a glass of water.)Evening dinner:Entree of Grilled Tube steak. Finish with Chateau Le Thunder Bird.( A hot dog and a fifth of T-Bird wine. 1960 price, 60 cents a bottle.)

Anonymous said:
"Freddy, you are making the road sound pretty brutal. When do the tips come for the good times on the road. Like the day after a big score when you get to get the big suite and relax by the pool with the hookers?"
Freddy the Beard said:
"Ah yes, Anonymous, but these tips are the things that help you to survive and eventually have an opportunity to make a score and party with the hooker's. Those stories will be related in other posts."
Rule #9
To protect against getting ripped off in a strange pool room, put your coat and cue case under the table you are playing on. This advice applies double in cold weather.
Rule #9a
If you see two guys shaking hands in a poolroom, one of them is a sucker.
Rule #9b
If you are in a poolroom or a card game and you can't figure out who the sucker is, then it's probably you.
Rule #10
If you have to drink coffee, make sure to leave the cover on the cup. That will discourage, the "Jar hustlers" (Unscrupulous rogues that put scopolomine in your drink) from just passing over the cup and dropping the "jar"in. That makes it much harder for them to ply their evil trade.
Rule #11
Put up the money before every session -- and have somebody you know hold the stakes. Get paid after every game, and don't sleep any scratches. Never mark games up on the wire unless you're the guy with the short money.
Freddy the Beard's Rule #12
When leaving a tough spot where you just won the money and sense there will be trouble from the losers, send whoever didn't do the playing out first. They won't follow him as long as you are still in the joint with the money.Your associate's instructions are simple: Get the car, pull it right in front of the place with the motor running, the passenger door open, and the car pointed towards home.I once had a partner who left the last part out. He did everything perfect except pull the car out of the parking space. I went outside, jumped in the car, and while he was maneuvering out of the parking space, the bad guys descended, pulled their guns and got in the car. I eventually escaped, with all the cheese, and my life and limb, but that's another story.The reasoning behind my instructions are sound, the tush-hogs will seldom pull a shot in the joint. They would rather wait and do their mischief outside, where nobody can see anything to call the police about.
Rule #13
A good place to hide your bankroll in a motel room is inside the shower-curtain rod. It's hollow and can be easily removed and replaced.You may have to remove 1 or 2 screws, so pack a combo, Phillips/Square-head screwdriver for such occasions.Don't quote me on this, but a curtain rod also makes a good stash for illicit chemicals.

Kilroy's advice regarding gambling with a very hard-nosed player: "Don't bet against him. He tries so hard he puts fingerprints in the slate."

A Kilroy story about the realities of pool hustling:A guy goes into a doctor's office. "Doc, I think I'm constipated, I ain't sh*t in a week." The doctor prescribes a strong laxative. Guy returns the next day. "Doc, I still ain't sh*t." Doctor prescribes a super powerful laxative, guaranteed to work. Next day the guy is back again. "Still nothing, Doc." The doctor is perplexed, and decides to dig into the man's routine. "By the way sir, what do you do for a living?" "I'm a pool hustler, Doc." the man replies. The doctor lights up in realization. "Why didn't you say so in the first place. Here's a couple of dollars, go get yourself something to eat!"